Yasodhara had heard of Siddhartha from her brother Devadatta. Devadatta told a story about how he had shot down a swan in flight. Siddhartha revived the bird and claimed it as his own.
The bird belongs to the one who saves his life, not the one who takes it, Siddhartha explained. When Yasodhara heard this story, she very much wanted to meet this compassionate young man who questioned his culture’s values, the prize of the hunt.
Like all the other eligible girls, Yasodhara took the trip to her cousin’s palace. When she walked into the room where Siddhartha was greeting the young women, his eyes met hers, and Siddhartha felt a deep stirring. He knew he had loved her over many lifetimes. They both felt this ancient recognition and fell deeply in love. Siddhartha got down on one knee and offered Yasodhara his ornament, asking her to be his bride. Yasodhara came back home and told her father the good news.
A look of concern for his beloved daughter crossed King Suppabuddha’s face. He leaned close to her. “You know, dear daughter, the signs are that Siddhartha will go off and leave his family to pursue enlightenment.” “Yes father, I know this,” Yasodhara replied, “but I will have none other than Siddhartha for my husband. We have been promised to one another over many lifetimes. This is to be our last birth and we have to do it together.”
Yasodhara was not passively given to Siddhartha, she chose to be with him, and he chose to be with her. Not once, but twice, Siddhartha knelt before her asking if she would be his wife. Even though Yasodhara knew that Siddhartha would someday leave, even though everyone told her that the four heavenly messengers would call him away from palace life, she was not deterred from mingling her destiny with his.
The two deeply spiritual and compassionate beings, had helped and supported one another over many lifetimes. Their compassion showed in their shared concern about inequalities in their culture and their shared dream of abolishing the caste system. Siddhartha not only honored and respected Yasodhara, he felt great joy in her presence.
They played and laughed and made love and shared dreams of a better world for 13 years before the birth of their son. Finally that day came when Yasodhara gave birth to their son. However, it was the time when Siddhartha had made up his mind to renounce this world. When the birth was announced to the prince, he said, “A fetter (Rahul) has been born, bondage has been born,” and this is how the boy got his name. The birth of this child only served to make Prince Siddhartha’s desire to escape from what had become for him a golden cage, even more difficult. On the evening he had finally decided to leave, Buddha peered into the royal bedchamber to take one last look at his sleeping wife and child, but the mother’s arm obscured the child’s face.
Getting awake the next morning, Yasodhara was an anguished woman, betrayed more by Siddhartha’s lack of faith in her than by his departure. She asked herself, when he stole away while she slept; who did he fear, her or himself? Would she really have been an obstacle in his path? Did he know her at all, she wonders. She belonged to the warrior class whose women smilingly sent their men to war and possible death. How will she face her in-laws? As she struggles to raise her infant son, she constantly grapples with her loneliness, guilt and shattered self-esteem. As time passed by her mind started to revolt against Buddha’s version of liberation.
Still, being a beloved wife, when Yasodhara heard that Siddhartha had relinquished his fine clothing and had taken to wearing simple yellow robes, she too donned simple yellow robes and gave up wearing jewels. When she heard that he was taking only one meal a day, she also took only one meal a day. When she heard he slept on low, hard beds, she gave up the luxurious palace beds and slept as he did. And when she heard he had given up garlands and perfumes she did so as well. As Siddhartha pursued enlightenment outside the palace gates, Yasodhara joined him on the path within hearth and home.
This was, after all to be her last round of birth and death as well. She was a laywoman raising her son, but that did not change her auspicious destiny. Staying home did not mean she could not join her beloved husband on his journey towards enlightenment. Although they each played different roles in the enlightenment story, he seeking enlightenment outside the palace while she stayed within, their intent and focus remained in alignment.
Seven years after he left, Buddha returned to Kapilavatthu. Everyone rushes to welcome him but not Yashodhara. Her wounded selfrespect demands that since Siddhartha left without telling her, he must now seek her. This Buddha feels compelled to do and also to acknowledge that without the shield of her love he could not have overcome the temptations of Maya.
Yasodhara took the little Rahul to listen to Buddha’s preaching. When they arrived, she said to him: “This is your father, Rahul. Go and ask him for your inheritance.” The child walked through the assembly and stood before Buddha, saying, “How pleasant is your shadow, O Monk.” When the talk had finished and Buddha left, Rahul followed him, and as they walked along Rahul said: “Give me my inheritance, O Monk.” Of course Buddha no longer had gold or property but he had something far more precious – the Dharma, so he turned to Sariputta and said: “Sariputta, ordain him.” Later, Buddha’s father, Suddhodana and Yasodhara complained that the boy had been taken away without their permission. She again seems to be cheated as Buddha takes away Rahul leaving her bereft one more time.
As if to make up for the seven years he was without a father, Buddha took great interest in Rahul’s moral and spiritual education, teaching him many times himself, and making Sariputta his preceptor and Moggallana his teacher. Rahul responded to this excellent tutelage by being an eager and attentive student and it is said that each morning as he awoke, he would take a handful of sand and say: “May I have today, as many words of counsel from my teacher as there are here grains of sand.”
As a result of this enthusiasm, Buddha said of his son that of all his disciples, he was the most anxious for training. When Rahul was still a boy, Buddha discussed with him aspects of Dharma that were suitable for the young and in such a way as he could understand and remember. Rahul was trained in the Ten Precepts and monastic discipline and when he was eighteen, Buddha decided that he was ready for meditation and then gave him advice on how to practice. In the meantime, although her father and father-in-law asked Yasodhara to stay at the palace and rule the two kingdoms, she was drawn to fulfill her spiritual destiny. She entered the order of nuns at the same time as Mahapajapati Gotami.
Among the hundreds of Bhikkhuni Arahants, Yasodhara was one of the Buddha’s 13 great Bhikkhuni disciples. She attained supernormal powers and was able to recall in infinite eras of the past.
One night Yasodhara came to the Buddha and said, “Tonight I am going to die.” She came to thank him for showing her the path. She told the man who was once her husband and had become her teacher, “I am my own refuge.”
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